Every summer I make 100 bold predictions for the upcoming NFL season, and last year was a particularly fortuitous column. If you’re an avid reader, you would have had a front row seat to dozens—dozens!—of accurate prognostications, including the facts that there would be lingering issues from the Tom Brady roast, Jayden Daniels would win Offensive Rookie of the Year, the Patriots would avoid the No. 1 pick in the draft, the Sanders family would lord over NFL draft discussions, Cooper DeJean would become a folk hero in Philadelphia, the Texans wouldn’t improve upon their 10-win season from 2023, the rises of both Sam Darnold and Khalil Shakir, that Alvin Kamara would soar from the fantasy graveyard, that three different teams would lead the NFC South and that the 49ers, Cowboys and Dolphins would all miss their respective projected win totals.
While there’s some other stuff in there, the point is that I have moments of extreme clairvoyance. Just ignore everything I said about the Jets winning the AFC East.
Because this is a read that involves a lot of time and attention on your part, I will get out of the way and simply let you know that we are now, officially under 100 days until the start of the NFL season, which is why we have 100 fresh predictions on tap to commemorate this offseason benchmark.
1. The Buffalo Bills will defeat the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LX
Predicting the Eagles will return to the big game is a begrudging move on my part, but it’s a recognition that nearly all of the NFC front-runners have brutal schedules. Philadelphia is the one team that can handle the rigors of such a slate and win ugly consistently enough to make the dance. Meanwhile, the Bills have an amenable schedule that includes the Browns, Falcons, Panthers and Saints, as well as multiple cracks at the bottom rung of the AFC East. This slate will keep Josh Allen healthy and in berserker mode for the playoffs when Buffalo needs him most.
2. Josh Allen will win Super Bowl LX MVP
By virtue of the Bills being in the game, and by virtue of the fact that the quarterback always gets the award (justice for Josh Sweat!), Allen will be your Super Bowl LX MVP in a meat grinder of a game against the Eagles in Santa Clara. Khalil Shakir will lead Buffalo in receiving with 112 yards and catch the game-winning touchdown, prompting general manager Brandon Beane to yell YOU LIKE THAT in the postgame locker room.
3. The New Orleans Saints will have the No. 1 pick in the 2026 draft
With the late retirement of Derek Carr and a carousel of second-, fourth- and fifth-round picks all sure to take snaps under center this year, New Orleans will finally bid au revoir to this iteration of the Saints which was, for years, buoyed by an aging core of talented veterans. The retooling is on in Louisiana, which will begin with the selection of a quarterback who can challenge Tyler Shough (pronounced Shuck) in training camp for the starting job.
4. But the Saints won’t be drafting Arch Manning
Because he’s not leaving Texas, folks. I think we all enjoy pairing the Mannings with NFL teams much in the way young Royal obsessives like matching future princesses with handsome Welsh princes, but the truth is that the Manning family probably abhors the idea of Arch playing for his grandfather Archie’s franchise in his home state. Every chess move made by this football family has been to set up their kids with normal, successful lives, and placing the burden of his grandfather’s franchise on Arch’s shoulders would be deleterious to his progress at the next level. My guess is that whichever franchise the Mannings bless, it’ll be more about the general manager and head coach in place.
5. At least two NCAA head coaches will receive serious overtures for NFL head coaching jobs
Texas’s Steve Sarkisian, Notre Dame’s Marcus Freeman, Ohio State’s Ryan Day, Iowa State’s Matt Campbell, Colorado’s Deion Sanders, David Shaw and USC’s Lincoln Riley are among the names to watch. It’s important to note that the odious Urban Meyer regime in Jacksonville is now far in the distance, Jim Harbaugh is successful and Chip Kelly is getting another run as a play-caller at the NFL level, which is a sign that attitudes are again shifting. The offensive play-caller pipeline was wiped clean during this past coaching cycle, which means teams will be searching far and wide for solutions at the head coaching spot.
6. The NFL will score massive wins on the legislative front over the next calendar year
The NFL was forced into a corner in terms of becoming a beacon of moral responsibility, given its position as a societal lightning rod. Instead of battling the president this time around, Roger Goodell and the team’s 32 owners will tuck into his slipstream in order to disassemble restrictions on issues such as broadcasting games whenever the league wants, for example. Expect the league to play ball through 2027, when the president will likely have a significant role in the broadcasting of the draft from Washington D.C.
7. Derek Carr will appear in an NFL game
Have you ever tried retirement? Forced or otherwise? When you’re a high-performing individual, sitting at home is the pits. Whether it’s the Steelers needing Aaron Rodgers insurance, the Dolphins needing Tua Tagovailoa insurance or another one of Carr’s 900 former offensive coordinators dispersed around the league believing the veteran can provide an in-season spark, we have not seen the last of a quarterback who, despite all of our various narrative assignments, is only 34 years old.
8. Kyler Murray will play his final snaps for the Cardinals
Murray’s dead cap number almost halves after this season. The former No. 1 pick is not a bad quarterback, but the Cardinals will likely conclude that the club has maximized Murray in Arizona and that it’s best to recoup some kind of draft asset before pivoting. Murray had a six-game stretch at the tail end of last season in which he failed to top 100 in quarterback rating, and he has played just one fully healthy season since 2020. While a lot of this is not Murray’s fault and is often the reality of playing for a team bad enough to qualify for the No. 1 pick, Arizona will prepare for larger-scale changes after finishing in the NFC West basement.
9. An ultimately baseless but still fantastical and widely spread allegation of sign stealing will arise against North Carolina head coach Bill Belichick and members of Belichick Productions
And all that this entails.
Oh, and it’ll be revealed that former Michigan sign stealer Connor Stalions has been consulting with at least one NFL franchise.
This is the year of subterfuge.
10. Mike Vrabel will win Coach of the Year (and …)
The Patriots will nearly sneak into the playoffs as a seven-seed but miss the postseason. While the AFC, particularly in the West, feels ruthless at the moment, there is still an opening for a grimy and competitive Patriots team to finish second in the East behind Buffalo. I make this prediction in full awareness of what was likely the worst prediction I’ve ever made, also in this space, when I projected a God-awful Patriots team to win the AFC East in 2023.
11. Ashton Jeanty will win Offensive Rookie of the Year
The Raiders’ running back will edge out Cam Ward after a season in which he rushes for 1,100 yards and nine total touchdowns.
12. Abdul Carter will finish the season with six sacks
The No. 3 pick will have a promising start to his rookie campaign, although the intensity of the Giants’ schedule will prevent Big Blue from a ton of opportunities to simply tee off on quarterbacks working in obvious throwing downs. This is part of a larger NFL trend in general that will see a shift in offensive game planning. In short …
13. NFL teams will pass less in 2025
Quietly in 2024, pass attempts per team per game dipped below 33 for the first time since 2008. My prediction is that attempts per game will drop from 32.7 per game—the mark in 2024 and a full point below the 33.7 attempts per game the year before—to below 32. The NFL has not had a season below 32 passing attempts per game since 2004.
14. Christian McCaffrey will win Comeback Player of the Year
The 49ers had 11 picks in this year’s draft and did not even touch the offensive side of the ball until Round 4. While the 49ers did select a running back (Oregon’s Jordan James in the fifth round), the team’s lack of urgency surrounding the position—in addition to San Francisco trading Jordan Mason to the Vikings—signals that there have been some positive early returns on McCaffrey’s health.
15. Some bro in your fantasy football league who went to Arizona in the 1990s and still views the Wildcats as a premier athletic program will insist he got the steal of the draft after haughtily selecting Tet McMillan in the 11th round of your draft
“This is a steal, bro. Honestly, just give me the trophy now.”
16. Matthew Stafford will top 4,000 passing yards for the first time since 2021
A reformulated Rams passing attack will see two wide receivers—Davante Adams and Puka Nacua—both surpass 1,000 receiving yards and five touchdowns. While most of the league will try to follow Philadelphia in limiting pass attempts, Los Angeles will increase Stafford’s workload and attempt to air it out more in 2025.
17. Jason Kelce will leave ESPN to join the Eagles in some professional capacity; Brandon Graham will also join the Eagles in an official capacity
I am reupping my Kelce prediction from a year ago because it still feels too perfect. The game’s ultimate workhorse will seek quiet solace in the rhythms of an NFL season and locker room after a long season of media noise. Graham, who has long been rumored to rejoin his team in some capacity, will also join the fold to help guide the Eagles’ young and dangerous defense.
18. The NFL will float a trial balloon for a draft lottery as the sport drifts further and further away from an actual athletic competition and more into an engine for various pieces of content
The suggestion that the NFL has a tanking issue as we come out of an era when the only actual team to tank—the Cleveland Browns—had to desperately try to sign Deshaun Watson in order to save the flailing operation, is laughable. NFL teams don’t tank because job preservation is of the highest order. And, coaches and GMs who lose games lose jobs. Still, the league will create the bogeyman—much like it has a bogus health and safety concern for the tush push—in order to further microwave the product and draw eyeballs.
Anyway, during a sleepy mid-November Monday Night Football game in which both starting quarterbacks are injured and neither team has a winning record, ESPN’s football insider Adam Schefter will drop a bombshell about the owners potentially considering a pivot toward the Ping-Pong ball strategy.
19. The Super Bowl halftime show will feature a veritable slop of new-country artists
In a halftime show more appealing to white people than laying the ball up on a fast break, the NFL will unleash a cavalcade of the absolute worst musical artists society can conjure. Luke Combs. Jason Aldean. Morgan Wallen. Something called Jelly Roll. Having this wretched noise reverberate just miles from the historic city of San Francisco, the ghost of former Grateful Dead frontman Jerry Garcia will jolt from the streets of Haight-Ashbury and stir up a thunderstorm so vicious it grounds flights into the next morning.
20. The San Francisco 49ers will win 12 games
The most generous schedule in football, coupled with the healthy return of Christian McCaffrey, will propel Kyle Shanahan’s 49ers back into the conversation atop the NFC West. It’s truly amazing what happens to a team not saddled with a historically egregious net rest differential, as San Francisco was in 2024.
21. Anthony Richardson will win the Colts’ QB job out of camp but …
Both he and Daniel Jones will finish with the same number of passing touchdowns (12).
22. The Caleb Williams noise won’t die down
The excerpt from Seth Wickersham’s book American Kings about Williams wanting to circumnavigate the draft and avoid playing for the Bears wasn’t said by the dad of a premier quarterback lightly. The Bears and new (first-time) head coach Ben Johnson are on notice. Williams clearly wants a hands-on experience, as evidenced by his complaining about a lack of help watching film last year.
23. The Arizona Cardinals (8.5), Miami Dolphins (8.5) and Washington Commanders (9.5) will fail to surpass their Vegas-projected win totals.
These win totals, provided by BetMGM, will pay out for those wagering on the under. Washington’s merciless schedule, Miami’s hollow roster and Arizona’s trouble staying afloat in a very resurgent NFC West will contribute to what fans may consider a disappointing season on all fronts, unless of course they hedge their personal feelings with a counter wager against their teams’ success.
24. The Dallas Cowboys (7.5), New York Jets (5.5), Seattle Seahawks (8.5) and Las Vegas Raiders (6.5) will all surpass their Vegas-projected win totals.
The Jets’ developing offensive line will help the team grind out a few victories, while Las Vegas’s competence at QB and new-look offense will help the Raiders sneak up on a few NFL big dogs. Seattle will contend for second place in the NFC West and Dallas will aggravate every Cowboys fan who did not want Brian Schottenheimer by winning enough games for Jerry Jones to self-validate.
25. Marvin Harrison Jr. and James Conner will combine for more than 20 touchdowns
Opening the season with an incredibly fortuitous slate against New Orleans and Carolina, the Cardinals will pick apart the lesser defenses on their schedule but struggle overall. Harrison will amass 11 touchdowns while Conner, in his age-30 season, will log 12, including three in a Week 5 game against the Titans that will be remembered by almost no human.
26. Mac Jones will absolutely rip it up against the Carolina Panthers on Monday Night Football
The former first-round pick, whom many thought was destined for San Francisco during his draft cycle, is finally at home in the Bay Area. Football Grayson Allen will have to make a spot start in prime time in Week 12 and will tally more than 400 passing yards and three touchdowns.
27. The Jets will trade Breece Hall before the season opener
A handful of running back-needy teams—the Bengals, Chiefs, Texans and Cowboys—will get through camp and search to upgrade at the position, while the Jets will seek to pair Braelon Allen and Isaiah Davis with a veteran still on the market who is looking to sign closer to the start of the regular season. Maybe Aaron Glenn’s former player, Jamaal Williams?
28. Trey Hendrickson will ultimately cave
The alternative is to become Haason Reddick, which, for a player entering his age-31 season, cannot be appetizing. By taking the Bengals’ reported current offer, Hendrickson can upgrade his salary by nearly $12 million and, while still being underpaid, improve upon his prospects for next offseason more by staying in Cincinnati than he could as a year-to-year mercenary for less on another roster.
29. The Jacksonville Jaguars will fail to finish in the top 20 in rushing defense
The rest of the NFL armed up to generate a power-rushing game. Did the Jaguars do enough to counter? The new brain trust will lean heavily on a unit that finished 23rd in EPA versus the run and is hoping for the development of three mid-round draft picks from the Trent Baalke regime and Arik Armstead.
30. A late-season New York Giants game will feature 38 carries from fourth-round pick Cam Skattebo
Joe Buck: And the Giants line up for their 11th drive of the game here in Foxborough as the rain continues to fall. Wilson takes the ball from under center and it’s … who else? Skattebo … again.
Troy Aikman: *Playful, haughty snicker*
Buck: Troy, if I didn’t know any better, I’d guess someone over on that Giants sideline has a bet on rushing attempts today. And if you’re itching to get in on the action, download the ESPN Bet app on your devices today for in-game odds as well as other prop bets to keep the action going.
*Long silence as both announcers take a gulp of their Mai Tais*
Aikman: Joe, did you ever wonder why we’re all here?
31. Six NFL head coaching vacancies will emerge at the conclusion of this season
After back-to-back years of relatively heavy turnover, the league will lose one less head coach than it did a season ago. This group will not feature any major surprises.
32. Broncos rookie running back RJ Harvey will amass more than 1,600 yards from scrimmage
That would put Denver’s second-round pick above the first-year total of highly drafted Falcons back Bijan Robinson in 2023 and above what Jonathan Taylor and Aaron Jones did last season. Harvey has already spent time with Sean Payton going over his Alvin Kamara vision board.
33. The Carolina Panthers will not finish last defensively in 2025
Carolina turned over half of its defense from a year ago and brought in a pair of high-upside rookies in Nic Scourton and Princely Umanmielen. While it’s not enough to totally push Carolina over the edge, it’ll be enough to keep the Panthers from a very dubious distinction two consecutive years.
34. A person who lists their primary occupation as NFL mascot will be arrested for stealing over-the-counter cold medication from a pharmacy
This episode will bring to light a spirited debate about the importance of an HSA plan for cheerleaders and other pep squad workers, who deserve the love and support of their employer franchises.
35. The Eagles’ tush push montage will become one of the most watched videos ever produced by an NFL team
The 26-minute clip of tush push plays, created to be released just as the league owners opted not to spike the play, will have more than nine million views between multiple social platforms prior to kickoff of Week 1.
36. The NFL will begin to leave the United Kingdom behind
With South America and Australia offering better time zones for viewers that don’t greatly interrupt the North American sports day, we will begin to see more flirtation and experimentation with these new on-site locations at the expense of our former colonial overlords.
37. The “Bird Gantlet” will become a thing in 2025
This is not just something your perpetually high roommate talks about on Reddit anymore. The Rams play a disproportionate number of bird teams this year, with their usual two matchups each against the Seahawks and Cardinals, plus dates with the Falcons, Eagles and Ravens. If the Rams go under .500 against bird teams, I will commission a savvy meme child to superimpose Sean McVay’s head into this scene.
38. Schedule release videos will become a corporatized, Disney-fied chopped salad of nothingness
After a high-profile incident involving the Colts, social media teams around the league will be deprived of their ability to cook at a high level, make fun of other players or point out anything interesting societally. A massive bum rush will ensue to hire one of the five socially acceptable comedians from B-level sitcoms to riff while reading off a list of games in order. Lawyers win again as we drift further and further away from the genius of the Chargers’ social team.
39. Holiday Touchdown: A Bills Love Story will fail to capture the magic of its predecessor done with the Kansas City Chiefs
Sequels are hard. Sequels are especially hard when Hallmark abandons its factory of self-made stars in order to generate more attention for its new football/romance/Christmas franchise. The channel’s initial foray into football was a massive hit, thanks to the seamless incorporation of Christmas stars such as Tyler Hynes and Hunter King. Now, with more of a Hollywood heft behind the new iteration, the Bills’ version will struggle to possess the look and feel of a true, vintage Hallmark classic.
40. Jalen Milroe will score at least three rushing touchdowns
Add this to a long line of doomed Conor Orr bold predictions. Every year, I become obsessed with the idea of a quarterback whose primary weapon is his running ability becoming an ingrained part of a team’s offense and taking over a noticeably significant part of the game plan. I said this last year with Justin Fields and believe, in years past, I have advocated for a real two-quarterback system. However, I think Milroe was drafted highly enough to be worthy of immediate integration into the Seahawks’ game plan. He can take a lot of pressure off Sam Darnold, who will be heavily zero-blitzed after everyone saw Minnesota’s struggles to protect him in the playoffs.
41. Benjamin St-Juste will become a tackle-for-loss machine on the Los Angeles Chargers
The under-the-radar free-agent signing is another one of my offseason pet projects. Big-bodied, almost like a hybrid safety/corner, St-Juste will fit in nicely with a slew of NFL defenses hell-bent on stopping the run game from plowing roughshod over NFL defenses.
42. The Baltimore Ravens will win the AFC North
While the Bengals are much improved and the Steelers may or may not have Aaron Rodgers, the Ravens are the only sensible choice to win one of the toughest divisions in the NFL. Prepare your favorite Lamar Jackson legacy arguments!
43. Malaki Starks will win the Defensive Rookie of the Year award
The safety out of Georgia will run up the score with a top-five interception total in the league and flex his all-around playmaking ability in a Baltimore defense that steamrolls opponents, finishing fourth in EPA per play—a sizable jump from an 11th-place finish last season.
44. An annoying sportswriter will wage a campaign that is both extremely annoying and necessary to get Shane Lechler into the Hall of Fame on his first ballot
Plot twist: That person is me. Lechler is the greatest punter in NFL history. A six-time first-team All-Pro and seven-time Pro Bowler, Lechler is the member of two NFL All-Decade teams. He should be voted in on the first ballot, as should any player who retires as the best player of all time at his position. It took Ray Guy 23 years and seven times as a finalist to get in; I won’t let Lechler suffer the same fate.
45. Drew Brees, Marshal Yanda and Larry Fitzgerald will be voted in as Hall of Famers
Each of these players is among the five best at their position in NFL history. Brees and Fitzgerald will sail in on their first tries. While Yanda (who was a finalist in his first time on the ballot last year) may have the weakest case of those three I mentioned, it’s because we can’t statistically quantify guard play. A rousing nomination process for Yanda, which includes testimonials from some of the greatest players in NFL history, will completely turn the room.
Yanda, along with Alan Faneca and Larry Allen, are the only guards to make eight or more Pro Bowls and win a Super Bowl. His evolution from perpetual Pro Bowler into the centerpiece of an offensive line that had to coalesce around Lamar Jackson and a completely different way of thinking and blocking was a capstone to a brilliant career.
46. Patrick Mahomes’s contract will sneak through another season as a confounding financial mystery
Because there were no quarterbacks from the 2022 draft class coming up for mega extensions, the pressure and attention has been removed from the quarterback position—even though Brock Purdy recently signed a deal with a higher average annual value than Mahomes. Something that costs $45 million is not a bargain for anything in the world—except for the quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs.
47. Aaron Rodgers will actually have a good reason—not a nefarious or overly intellectualized one—for delaying his signing with the Pittsburgh Steelers
Call it a gut feeling.
48. A mysterious Cowboys injury will be traced back to a heated game of Ping-Pong at the table which was brought back into the locker room by new head coach Brian Schottenheimer to increase competitiveness
It’s not quite the Jacksonville Axe-Ident, in which a literal axe wound up in the leg of the team’s punter—did you know the Jaguars still keep that freaking thing by the way?—but it’ll provide a fascinating spin on the eternal Ping-Pong debate. Keep it or roll it away? This may eliminate the popular paddle sport from locker rooms forever.
49. Only one of Houston’s 2023 draft stars—C.J. Stroud and Will Anderson Jr.—will sign a market-topping contract extension after the 2026 NFL season
The Texans hit a grand slam in the 2023 draft, selecting Stroud and Anderson with back-to-back picks in the top three. Both of them won Rookie of the Year honors. After this season, both will have one year—plus the fifth-year option—remaining on their deals, which is often the start of a conversation for franchise cornerstone players.
However, after another early playoff exit, the Texans are going to work feverishly to lock up Anderson before the Micah Parsons deal completely obliterates the pass-rushing market and makes signing one next to impossible. Parsons is playing on the fifth-year option.
That leaves Stroud to either cement his fortune or watch it dwindle the following offseason. Signing Anderson also creates leverage for the Texans by making it easier to eventually use a franchise tag on their quarterback.
50. We will actually watch Olympic-style flag football and realize it’s not really football
And that NFL players may not even be, like, good at this! It’s similar to how we didn’t put any active NBA players in the 3×3 basketball tournament during the Paris Olympics. It’s … not really basketball the way we imagine it and certainly not the way that players train for it. Now that NFL owners have granted limited permission for NFL players to be involved, fans will look for a sneak peek at what we can expect at the 2028 Games. I don’t think any of us will come away very excited. My prediction is the NFL will shoehorn a semi-retired Tyreek Hill into the fold to save face.
51. Cam Ward will put up the following numbers during his rookie season:
63% completion rate, 3,124 yards, 18 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, 225 rushing yards, 3 rushing touchdowns.
52. Will Levis will look absolutely, unbelievably, ridiculously good in the preseason
Every preseason needs a God. This one will be the totally reborn Levis, who’ll turn a humdrum game against the Falcons into a white-knuckle classic that annoyingly makes three or four fan bases call into talk radio once a week wondering if the team should trade for him.
53. Tyler Warren’s number of red zone touchdown passes will be uncomfortably close to that of Anthony Richardson
The rookie tight end had a run of Wildcat quarterbacking during his time at Penn State, resulting in a 50% completion rate and one touchdown pass. Last year, Richardson threw four red zone touchdown passes and an interception, completing 41.18% of his passes in the critical area.
54. Jeff Ulbrich will win the NFL assistant of the year award
The Falcons’ defense will improve from second-to-last in the NFL in sacks to eighth, with both rookie first-round picks—Jalon Walker and James Pearce Jr.—contributing at least six to the total.
55. Commissioner Roger Goodell will secretly place third in a local HYROX competition
Despite working long hours at the league office, the 66-year-old commissioner is secretly ripped and spends long hours in his Bronxville basement with a personal trainer named Mauricio who coaches Goodell through a slew of body-toning exercises that help him succeed in the all-around fitness competition. It will come to light that Goodell is known in HYROX circles for his otherworldly flexibility and powerful sled pulls.
56. An executive from the Oklahoma City Thunder will be hired by an NFL team
The search for an edge continues. Something about the Thunder starting a bunch of impossibly lanky men will spark inspiration in an NFL owner to capture some of this magic on the big stage.
57. The Detroit Lions will win 10 games
Those wins will come: vs. Chicago, vs. Cleveland, at Kansas City, vs. Tampa Bay, at Washington, vs. the New York Giants, vs. Dallas, vs. Pittsburgh, at Minnesota and at Chicago.
58. The split of games started by Giants quarterbacks will look like this:
Russell Wilson: 13
Jameis Winston: 2
Jaxson Dart: 2
59. Justin Fields will throw for a career high in yards and touchdowns
While the benchmarks aren’t that high (2,562 yards and 17 TDs), given that Fields also has 19 rushing touchdowns in his career, the Jets’ bridge starter will amass 2,679 yards through the air and 19 passing touchdowns.
60. Brock Bowers will finish with fewer catches, yards and first downs than he did a year ago but …
He will log more touchdowns, as the Raiders come to grips with every team getting incredibly physical with the record-breaking tight end who saved Las Vegas’s 2024 season from complete irrelevance.
61. As the realities of NIL become increasingly clear, more former NFL legends will take on small-time college head coaching jobs as ego-boosting pet projects
Terrell Owens as the head coach of Troy? Why the hell not? Chad Ochocino as the head coach of Louisiana Tech? Sure! Garnering attention for a program—and then stockpiling the staff with capable assistants—becomes a business model. Call it the Deion Sanders effect.
62. Shedeur Sanders will finish the preseason with a higher quarterback rating than Dillon Gabriel
The Browns spent third- and fifth-round picks on backup/project quarterbacks, with Sanders providing slightly more in the way of natural upside. With Joe Flacco as the projected Week 1 starter, Gabriel and Sanders will get a heavy workload in the exhibition buildup.
63. James Cook will sign a contract that puts him between Christian McCaffrey and Saquon Barkley in terms of average annual value
The dynamic back is a must-have for the Bills, as the team spent the offseason overhauling its defense, which places more focus on the offense maturing and developing on its own (a sound decision after last year’s stellar performance). Cook will wind up settling at $20 million per season, keeping him in Buffalo for the near future.
64. Chop Robinson will have a double-digit sack season
The 2024 first-round pick finished with six sacks a year ago but flashed some incredible playmaking ability for the Dolphins. With the addition of space eater Kenneth Grant on the defensive line and the return of Bradley Chubb, Robinson will get to rush the quarterback more frequently without a premier blocker in his path.
65. DK Metcalf will have at least one press conference where he intimates that it’s difficult to know when and why Aaron Rodgers throws him a football
Listen, in a presentation of 100 football predictions, you make some that will get the batting average up.
66. The Kansas City Chiefs’ leading rusher for 2025 will not be on the team’s roster at the publication of this piece
I still maintain that with a glut of running backs taken in the 2025 NFL draft—five more than in ’24 and seven more than ’23—there will be a miniature free agency wave of backs that are available toward the end of training camp. The Chiefs will scour said market and pick up a viable weapon.
67. J.J. McCarthy will put up the following numbers in Year 1 as an NFL starter:
3,431 passing yards, 67% completion rate, 26 touchdown passes, 9 interceptions.
68. Bucky Irving will finish the 2025 season as a top-five player in fantasy football
Irving was clearly a spark for the Buccaneers last season, and finished the year with eight rushing touchdowns, as well as 47 catches with no receiving touchdowns. Despite Tampa Bay’s array of wide receiving talent, Irving will land in the end zone on passes multiple times, pushing his 2025 touchdown total to more than 10.
69. The Philadelphia Eagles will win the NFC East
As you could have probably gleaned from my prediction that the Eagles will return to the Super Bowl, I don’t think there was enough of a gap closure between this team and the rest of the division. There also wasn’t enough of a gap closure between this team and the rest of the NFC. The Eagles are also going to see another year’s improvement from young stars such as Jalen Carter, Quinyon Mitchell and Cooper DeJean.
70. Jon Gruden will get a head coaching job … in college
With heat on seats at UAB (Trent Dilfer) and Coastal Carolina (Tim Beck), the current Barstool Sports star, who has found a sweet spot with unboxing videos and quarterback breakdowns on YouTube, will take over a program in desperate need of energy—while still maintaining his media responsibilities.
71. At least three teams will work out Justin Tucker over the course of this season
Once an NFL suspension is behind him—Tucker has yet to be suspended by the league for more than a dozen accusations of sexual misconduct by Baltimore-area massage workers but was recently released for football reasons, according to the Ravens—Tucker will become a curiosity for desperate contenders struggling with kicking issues deep into the season.
72. The Los Angeles Rams will trade for an offensive playmaker before the Nov. 5 deadline
Los Angeles has been an aggressive bridesmaid when it comes to elite offensive players in recent years, finishing behind San Francisco for Christian McCaffrey and winding up unable to trade up for players such as Brock Bowers and, this year, Tet McMillan. So, with Matthew Stafford’s contract expiring after the 2026 season, Los Angeles will go on the offensive with a handful of stars on soon-to-expire contracts coming into free agency (especially the 2027 free agent class).
73. You will find a box inside the attic of your parents’ house
And inside that box is a note instructing you to drive to the beach where you all used to go many years ago and dig where the family planted its umbrella during that one summer of relentless, cloudless heat. And when you do, you’ll uncover an envelope containing a key to a 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass, which happens to be parked, running in the lot behind the pizza place. And when you open the door to the Cutlass there will be a map containing directions to a Dick’s Sporting Goods in Fort Smith, Ark. Following the 13-hour drive, you’ll arrive at Dick’s just in time for opening, where you’ll be met by a retail sales associate named Sebastian who’ll quickly usher you toward the winter jacket section of the store. Silently, he’ll urge you to try on all the coats—men’s coats, women’s coats, children’s coats. Coats with camouflage and coats stuffed with faux fur or fleece. He’ll heap piles and piles of coats on the floor in front of you, throwing the ones you’ve discarded into the air in a festive manner while singing the chorus of “The Family Madrigal” from Disney’s Encanto soundtrack. Inside the pocket of one of the coats are two plane tickets to Portugal for the next morning, leaving out of Dallas/Fort Worth. In Lisbon, a taxi cab driver will be waiting holding a placard with your last name on it. He’ll drive you to the water’s edge and walk you to a boat which is leaving for a chain of autonomous volcanic islands called the Azores. It’s at this point that you’ll realize you’ve left Sebastian at the airport, but decide to press on, laser focused on the top of a particularly high rock formation overlooking the North Atlantic that has taken on a noticeably intense ray of sunshine. At that moment, separated from all the noises of the world, you’ll begin to hear—no, feel—a calling from deep within. You’ll sense the tears of ancient family members. You’ll know and understand the laughter of babies who will be born centuries from now. You’ll dive without knowing quite where you’re diving, but slowly begin to weave your way through caverns and deep caves. You’ll see perfectly and be enveloped by a school of horse mackerel who’ll whirl around you, creating a vortex of unknown speed and velocity. The mackerel will depart just before the ocean goes pitch black and the walls around you narrow. Feeling the last bits of air begin to escape your lungs, you’ll decide to press onward, now forcing and squeezing your way through the underwater cavity. Cuts will perforate your arms. Flickering in and out of consciousness, moments of your life will begin to play at warp speed in the soft glow of an old classroom projector. You’ll see your own birth, your first holy communion and high school graduation. You’ll witness the delivery of all three of your children, hovering over the hospital bed like some sort of midnight ghost. Then comes a montage of every time you have been unkind. You’ll begin to see parallel visions; one of the man you are and one of the man you could have become; one of the man you can still become. Just as you begin to lose consciousness, your body will come above water inside a hidden crystal grotto appearing completely untouched by humankind. Distant sounds of birds chirping and dolphins chattering will blur into the background as you fix your gaze on a reusable ShopRite bag that sits on a stone overhang next to a series of rocks that have eroded into a benchlike shape.
You’ll sit down and open the bag, which is filled with several other reusable shopping bags.
And there, finally, still in mint condition, is your 1998 Mark Brunell Gridiron Greats action figure.
A note in your father’s handwriting reads: DID YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THIS AT OUR HOUSE? NOT SURE IF YOU WANTED US TO THROW OUT/BRING TO GOODWILL.
74. Penei Sewell will win the inaugural Protector of the Year award
With offensive linemen finally having an award to celebrate individual accomplishments, the first big man to grace the stage of NFL Honors will be Lions tackle Penei Sewell. One interesting wrinkle will come from Jason Kelce assisting the committee to elect the POTY after his former teammate Lane Johnson took issue with an overrating of the Lions’ young star tackle.
75. The connection between LSU quarterback Garrett Nussmeier and has father, Saints offensive coordinator Doug Nussmeier, will become a significant predraft storyline
The former NFL quarterback has a chance to coach his son as an NFL quarterback. With New Orleans hurtling toward the No. 1 pick, the father-son pairing will be subject to immense palace intrigue. It’ll be a story whether the Saints select the homegrown LSU quarterback or choose not to.
76. Jahmyr Gibbs will win the Offensive Player of the Year
Gibbs will end up rushing for 1,700 yards and adding another 800 receiving yards as he takes on a more complete role in the Lions’ dominant backfield. While David Montgomery is an integral part of the two-headed monster, the Lions are more versatile and threatening with Gibbs on the field. That will become evident in the clutch this season.
77. There will only be three “new” playoff teams from a year ago
The top of the league will remain remarkably status quo, with only three spots turning over from the 2024 season. The divide between competent organizations and flailing ones will seem as great as it has in decades.
78. Jayden Higgins will lead rookie wide receivers in yards from scrimmage
The Iowa State product will edge out some stiff competition, given that McMillan is playing in a still-developing system in Carolina, Matthew Golden has an incredibly crowded receiver room in Green Bay and Emeka Egbuka will have to compete for targets with some of the best veteran wideouts in the NFL in Tampa. Higgins will slide quietly and seamlessly into a productive Year 1 with the Texans.
79. NBA champion Jalen Brunson will lead the New York Jets out of the tunnel on opening day against the Pittsburgh Steelers
Go Knicks.
80. Mack Hollins will have a harder time convincing his new teammates not to wear shoes
As a swath of Instagram trends meet their end with both common sense and science—Eat exclusively fruit! Only eat raw animal liver! Drink hydrogen water! Enjoy a coffee enema daily!—Mack Hollins will be among a very small contingent of Patriots players who defy the poshness of this tony New England suburb and walk around barefoot.
81. A tedious NFL long read will drop in Week 16 that details and villainizes Nick Sirianni for benching Saquon Barkley amid his record pursuit in Week 18 last year
“I feel like—I don’t know, man—I had a chance at history,” Barkley will tell a GQ reporter backstage at the Harper’s Bazaar Icons Party while wearing a $300,000 hat made out of quail skin. “And that was taken away from me.”
Barkley and Sirianni will be asked about these comments during a mid-week press conference.
Sirianni: “You know, I didn’t read that or hear that but Bob (Eagles head of PR Bob Lange) he shows me stuff from time to time. Saquon, he’s the ultimate competitor and I want our guys to want to play. I never have a problem with competitive spirit.”
Barkley: “I feel like, in that context, the words could be made out to seem like I was upset with Nick. But the truth is that I think everyone respected the decision and I just shouldn’t put myself in a situation where the record was in doubt.”
82. Drake Maye will finish with the highest PFF grade among all quarterbacks drafted in 2024
Maye will torture NFL executives who glommed onto tired storylines and choked the lives out of their best players in an unbalanced prime-time schedule.
83. Travis Hunter will play on offense three times as often as he plays on defense
The Jaguars’ multipositional star will contribute on defense, but Jacksonville will sort through the chaotic realities of an NFL season and the politicking of an offensive-minded, play-calling head coach who prefers the talented but still-developing wideout to attend more frequent meetings on the offensive side of the ball.
84. George Paton (Broncos), Brandon Beane (Bills), John Spytek (Raiders), John Schneider (Seahawks), Joe Hortiz (Chargers) and Eliot Wolf (Patriots) will be the top candidates for Executive of the Year
Paton, after initially having his legacy forcibly tied to the Russell Wilson trade, will wind up the winner after incredible rookie seasons from first-round pick Jahdae Barron and second-rounder RJ Harvey.
85. Walter Nolen will lead all rookies in tackles for loss and all rookie defensive tackles in sacks
The gifted talent, who slipped to the 16th pick due to some maturity concerns, will flourish under the mentorship of Calais Campbell and hand third-year coach Jonathan Gannon a lifeline as he attempts to fix his run defense.
86. Micah Parsons will win the Defensive Player of the Year Award
Setting the stage for another scenario in which Jerry Jones delays the payment of a star player for attention—only to cost himself an extra, needless $6 million in the process—Parsons will lead the NFL in sacks with 16, feasting on a pair of games against Russell Wilson/Jameis Winston/Jaxon Dart.
87. The Chicago Bears will win eight games
I feel like eight hard-fought wins is not sexy and may not be tolerated by Bears fans. But I also feel like eight hard-fought wins in which Caleb Williams plays on schedule, the head coach doesn’t melt down and the Bears are into mid-November with a glimmer of playoff hope will serve as an improvement from years past.
88. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will win the NFC South … again
In what is becoming the least interesting division in professional sports and the least exciting prediction for me to make every year, the Buccaneers will repeat as NFC South champions for the fifth consecutive season. The league will begin to investigate and slowly take over facets of the division, à la the NBA with the New Orleans Hornets.
89. CBS will experiment with a broadcast featuring 50% AI Spero Dedes
In a cost-cutting measure with major moral and ethical complications, CBS will attempt to see if it can place its versatile announcer at two separate 1:00 p.m. ET games between bottom-rung NFL franchises along the East Coast in the same window. Dedes will fly from New England at halftime to Morristown Airport, where he can catch the second half of a mediocre 1:00 p.m. Jets tilt in person.
90. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce will call it quits
The star-studded couple will amicably and quietly separate just before Thanksgiving, as both cite the pressures of their hectic schedules and shifting priorities. Swift, in her first opportunity to avoid going to Missouri in early December, will spend a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend in St. Croix. Kelce, meanwhile, will have a vintage December, with 36 catches for 423 yards in fourier games.
Eagles fans, having booed Swift at the Super Bowl, will boldly take credit for the development.
91. Two head coaches will be fired in-season
With a limited candidate pool of top-quality offensive play-callers for the upcoming cycle, two woebegone franchises will cut ties with their coaches to get a leg up on the recruitment period.
92. Amid a culture rebuild centered around selflessness, Jets coach Aaron Glenn will forcibly retire jumbotron diva and attention hog Fireman Ed
From the ashes of this new Jets era will come a superfan who doesn’t annoy the ever-loving bejesus out of the majority of its fan base. Policeman Jack? HVAC Carl? Chef Pasquale? A Village People–style rotating cast of fans with relatable jobs who take on the chant responsibilities weekly? I’ll take anything, man.
93. A full-scale investigation will be launched into the triple “O’er the land of the free” sung by Jon Batiste at Super Bowl LIX in New Orleans
Emphasizing and repeating the phrase wasn’t merely a political statement with a certain president sitting nearby. It was a vehicle to boost what was an incredibly speedy national anthem over the hump, netting a small ring of sports gamblers millions of dollars.
94. An old high school girlfriend of yours will post pictures of her husband and young children on Instagram in matching jerseys of a team you know she did not used to root for
Since when is Victoria a Texans fan? She grew up in North Hempstead, went to Pace and married some dude from Madison, N.J. Has she ever even been to Houston? We should scroll through photos for another two hours to find out.
95. Bears coach Ben Johnson will struggle to find his hat rhythm in Chicago
With a great, full head of blond hair—another seeming affront to now rival Matt LaFleur, the Packers’ coach whose perfectly manicured and unmovable head of hair has long been a point of pride, especially among other severely follically challenged coaches in the NFC North—Johnson will vacillate between several different hat styles and a handful of hatless games before discovering the perfect fit just before winter hat season takes hold and makes a beanie standard issue.
96. Michael Penix Jr. will have a six-touchdown game in 2025
Six total touchdowns in a barnburner of a Thursday Night Football matchup against the Buccaneers in Week 15.
97. Andrew Van Ginkel will have a pick-six on the opening defensive possession of the Vikings’ season
The master of reading, anticipating, batting down and picking off horizontal quick-game passes at the line of scrimmage will strike again, spotting J.J. McCarthy an early 7–0 lead against the Bears.
98. You will sacrifice one Sunday of parlays and donate the money to an excellent charity that does some good in the universe
This year, I’ll be serving as the proud president of the Greater Newark Holiday Fund, which collects money for a handful of amazing partner agencies. Since its inception, the Holiday Fund has provided more than 70,000 nights of shelter for those struggling to find housing, 350,000 diapers to needy families with infants and almost 100,000 hours of mental health services to low-income people in need of crisis counseling or mental health support. Check us out!
99. A practice squad player in street clothes will be caught vaping on the sidelines during a game
Like a beautiful, modern Len Dawson, a reserve defensive tackle in sweatpants will duck behind a wide-bodied strength trainer and rip a gigantic hit of his Linx Blaze, coating an amused sideline in the pleasant olfactory notes of “Blackberry Haze.”
100. You will learn an important life lesson from Bill Belichick that is not in his book …
After watching the greatest coach in NFL history have his tongue removed by a girlfriend 50 years his junior on CBS—following a season in which Tom Brady pinballed his way into his broadcast debut and was roundly dressed down in a comedy roast he still seems to be reeling from—you’ll realize that absolutely no facade we construct for ourselves, or construct for others, is actually true. And even if it is, it’s not infallible, it’s just temporary greatness streaking across the sky like a lonely comet.
Here’s the real secret, which was first introduced to us by the Byrds back in 1959:
There’s a time to build up and a time to break down. There’s a time to dance and there’s a time to mourn. There’s a time to cast away stones and there’s a time to gather stones together.
Our lives are a series of eras, some good and some bad. If it’s been bad, keep your head up. If it’s been good, remember to care for those who are going through the bad, understanding that you’ll need the same one day. You are never fully the narrative you or others construct for yourself. This is merely a set of ideas. You are the summation of tiny little choices made in the darkness every day.
